Hurts So Good

I haven't wanted to run since last Sunday's horrible episode. I'm still beating myself up over that.

Yesterday I bought some new socks for running. Now that I stuffed my shoes with those thick cushion inserts, I can only wear socks that are super thin, but still cotton.
I figured it's time to go.

I got out as early as I could manage...7am.

I started out running down American River Trail, figuring I would turn onto Westville. But just before I got there, God told me to keep going.
"But I'm already feeling sick! I don't want to stop." And in that moment I realized it. It's not in the stopping as much as the feeling I get just before...when I know I'm going to stop.

I've only been in one real car accident. My friend was driving. Her brakes went out and we hit the car in front of us. I wasn't wearing my seat belt and I hit the windshield. That second before contact slowed down so much I swear I can remember it in fractions.

"I'm going to hit the window and there's nothing I can do about it."

It's an awful feeling, a frightening realization.
That's the feeling I get when I have to stop. Except instead of my body getting hurt, it's my ego.

I continued down American River to Pointed Rocks...knowing what I was in for.
God washed a gentle breeze over me that spoke to my spirit. It softly said, "Don't worry, I've got you."

I ran the route without stopping, though sometimes I was going so slow that an old...very old lady could have passed me. Still, I did it. I pushed through my pain and fear.

American River, Pointed Rocks & Westville.

It hurt, but hurt so good.