running from my thoughts

new song to ipod "Harder to Breathe" by Maroon 5

song in my head...
is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe...

Usually I can get almost anything out of my head by running. Forced out, literally, by my own breath.

Today it didn't work.

I still have those crappy, lousy, pissy, kicked a million times in the gut... thoughts. UHHH!!

GO AWAY ALREADY, SHIT.

Anyone have some advice for me? How do you stop yourself from dwelling on the past?

Let's try this post over.

Hi Everyone :-) see my smile!

I had a great run today. I ran Westville to Pointed Rocks to American River to Paymaster back to American River to home.
I didn't stop. It took me 28.8 minutes. The weather is great. I saw 4 women walking with their kids in strollers, 1 biker, 6 deer, and 2 women on horseback. Also 2 construction sites. New houses going up all the time. Fortunately the lot sizes were set 30 years ago and can't be split. So there is a limit to how much new growth can happen here. I don't know why people would want to build in this community. We are a 3500 acre gated community. You have to pay a fee for everything. EVERYTHING. Want to fence your property? Better be the right kind. Submit a design, get it approved and pay. Need a new paint job? Better be one of the approved colors...submit your request, wait and pay. Lots of rules, we get a new guide book every year.

Lots of people hate these restrictions, but I guess I don't really mind. It keeps the place looking nice. You don't have to stare at old cars in a field getting rusty. Plus we have great facilities. A golf course, a library, pools, lakes, clubs, trails, a workout room (I never use), and security wave at me when I'm running.
It feels like an active retirment community for the young middle class America. Besides, over half the people who live in this town, live in here. My friends, my realtor, the lady I buy pizza from, my exterminator...even the couple we bought this house from, live within a few miles from me. Each day I wave to at least 3 people I know just taking my kids to school. I like that. I like people.

Last week while I was driving my kids to AWANA, the car in front of me hit a truck that pulled out in front of her. He didn't have his lights on and she didn't see him. Luckily I stopped in time so I didn't hit her. I got out to help. So did Jeanie (a friend of mine who also saw the accident). Jeanie hugged the lady and we prayed. Her car was totaled. She was really shaken up. I was surprised that the only injury was a cut on her son's finger. The driver of the truck... I knew him. His daughter is in the same class as mine. I didn't know the lady all that well, but I'd seen her before. They were all on their way to the same place I was going. The Church.

It's a small town.

Well, that worked. Got my mind off those bad, pull you to the ground and squish you like a bug thoughts.

Thanks.